10.2 Im pretty sure you tried to ask a few questions first. What's your name? Where did you come from? How long are you gonna be here for? But all i wanted to hear was the 4/4 beat telling my body to let go, All I wanted to feel was the mediocre beer running through my veins sending a signal in my brain that i needed your breath on my ears and your hands on my hips. I didn't not care for reasons and logic and rationality - It was not the type of night for the right answers.
11. "I had to leave, I felt lonely when he held me." I had to leave, I felt him trying to disintegrate me with questions, beautiful words, his hands and his emerald eyes. I am complex; 57 different people in one - i refuse to have him put parts of me in boxes with labels to satisfy his curiosity. I am not a machine waiting for an engineer to fix. I am not a deal waiting to be closed. I refuse to be figured out when "this is the last time we're ever going to see each other".
12. It was a warm and sunny Sunday Afternoon, 3 hours away from home. I was craving for the familiarity of a home cooked meal and decided to cross the street and buy "Bicol Express", a dish that my lola makes perfectly. I'm guessing this is a form of lambing for lolo who is from Bicol and a bit estranged from his family. On the walk back home, I contemplated about whether or not the dish will be as good as my lola's and felt a hand cup my left breast swiftly by a man who just walked away. I looked back to see a homeless man with a sack full of garbage and dirt all over his body. I cried all afternoon and never told anyone, i wanted to call my mom and my sister but I care about them too much to add to their worries. It was Mother's Day.
13. "Where are you from?" he said with his muscles almost ripping his extra small Affliction/Ed Hardy inspired shirt. "Philippines", "I've been to Boracay" he whispered as he put his hand on the small of my back and started giving me a slight back rub. This man was shallow, and the music was Yolanda and the drinks were overpriced. I wanted to leave but it felt really nice to be held.
14. I am struggling to write about him as I have a strong feeling that we haven't quite reached full circle. Damn it - we we're cute.
14.1 I am learning that it is okay for things not to reach full circle for it to end and make sense. Sometimes, closure comes in complete silence and the process of filling yourself with more love and making yourself a home for your own soul. You can't make homes out of people who are also trying to figure themselves out, especially ones who take solace in being a nomad. Finding someone who "Gets It" does not guarantee permanence.
15. I walked away and cried because I could feel my loneliness permeate that god damn place. Also, tequila and beer.
12. It was a warm and sunny Sunday Afternoon, 3 hours away from home. I was craving for the familiarity of a home cooked meal and decided to cross the street and buy "Bicol Express", a dish that my lola makes perfectly. I'm guessing this is a form of lambing for lolo who is from Bicol and a bit estranged from his family. On the walk back home, I contemplated about whether or not the dish will be as good as my lola's and felt a hand cup my left breast swiftly by a man who just walked away. I looked back to see a homeless man with a sack full of garbage and dirt all over his body. I cried all afternoon and never told anyone, i wanted to call my mom and my sister but I care about them too much to add to their worries. It was Mother's Day.
13. "Where are you from?" he said with his muscles almost ripping his extra small Affliction/Ed Hardy inspired shirt. "Philippines", "I've been to Boracay" he whispered as he put his hand on the small of my back and started giving me a slight back rub. This man was shallow, and the music was Yolanda and the drinks were overpriced. I wanted to leave but it felt really nice to be held.
14. I am struggling to write about him as I have a strong feeling that we haven't quite reached full circle. Damn it - we we're cute.
14.1 I am learning that it is okay for things not to reach full circle for it to end and make sense. Sometimes, closure comes in complete silence and the process of filling yourself with more love and making yourself a home for your own soul. You can't make homes out of people who are also trying to figure themselves out, especially ones who take solace in being a nomad. Finding someone who "Gets It" does not guarantee permanence.
15. I walked away and cried because I could feel my loneliness permeate that god damn place. Also, tequila and beer.
